If You Love Me
by Synthetic-Skywalker
Summary: Never did he think he would need to resort to such things to preserve his former apprentice's light. Ani/Obi. SLASH. Rated for future themes and profanity.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Yes, I have finally begun the promised **_**Snuff **_**fic! It's unbelievable how much easier it was to write this in third person than it was in first person. Thank you PurpleWillowTrees for your encouragement! It definitely would have taken longer to get this started had you not commented on the video so enthusiastically. Enjoy!**

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"_Master, please. Please wake up._" That voice had been pleading, pleading and weak. "_No! Don't! They're innocent! Please!_" As shots were fired, Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open. He was a mess of perspiration and tangled bed sheets. That voice had haunted him longer than he wanted it to. He and Anakin were put into a situation that neither thought they'd be in.

Things had changed since returning from the Outer Rim several weeks ago. Rather, _Anakin _had changed. Obi-Wan noticed it. The Council noticed it. The only one who appeared not to have noticed was Anakin himself. The experience a few weeks back had been traumatic for the Kenobi-Skywalker team, but more so for the Skywalker half of it. Obi-Wan had been captured, but he'd been unconscious for the majority of his captivity – or so their captors believed. What had really transpired was a private matter. Obi-Wan, for Anakin's sake, left out the details of the mission that acknowledged Anakin's dance with the dark side. It had gone very wrong…so very wrong.

Just being in the same room as Anakin brought on overwhelming feelings of death and darkness. Obi-Wan was the only one who sucked it up for Anakin. He was the only one to stand by Anakin's side as everyone else drifted from it.

The loss of his arm had been one of the many horrors he'd faced. Prior to that, he lost his mother, who spent her final moments in his arms. Anakin now had a scar running above and below his right eye and Obi-Wan felt like it had been his fault. He shouldn't have let Anakin go off alone. The younger man had been knighted almost seven months ago and he'd already gotten himself injured further within the first month after his Knighting. Obi-Wan was at a loss for what to do now, however. He couldn't tell Anakin he was sorry enough. He couldn't put bacta patches on his skin or add a cybernetic limb. What happened had tormented Anakin's mind. There was no easy way to heal that.

He'd tried to pry the door open to Anakin's individual living area of their shared apartment, but the younger of the two wouldn't budge. Obi-Wan hadn't really spoken to Anakin since their return. He knew Anakin was still in the room and he knew that he heard him. He felt anger and remorse as well as several other un-Jedi-like emotions filtering through Anakin's tightly knit shields on occasion. Today, he was going to try to bring him out.

The truth was that Obi-Wan loved Anakin. Not as a brother, not as a son. He loved him as a Jedi should not. Their bond was so much more than it once was and Obi-Wan made no move on his former apprentice to acknowledge the way he felt. He believed Anakin had something more going on with the senator of Naboo. He knew how his Padawan felt about her and he knew how deeply Anakin's emotions ran when he loved someone. He was always attached to those who came closer. The only attachment Obi-Wan ever had was that of one to his own Master, Qui-Gon Jinn. He loved the elder man as a father and was reciprocated with his Master's love for him as his son. That had been Obi-Wan's only attachment – prior to Anakin coming into his life.

Obi-Wan had tried to love Anakin as a son or even as a brother, but his feelings for the young man were far too strong for him to allow himself to love the least bit possible. Obi-Wan knew what he felt was wrong. He was part of the Jedi Order and the Order forbade attachments, such as love. He fought his love for a majority of Anakin's apprenticeship because Anakin had been so young. Obi-Wan felt like a perverse human being because he'd loved a fifteen year old at the age of thirty-one. Had he told Anakin or anyone else this, he surely would have been removed from the Order and possibly put into prison. Now that Anakin was twenty-two, the idea of a romantic relationship with him seemed slightly more appealing as well as less criminalizing.

He sucked in a deep breath and stepped out of his living area to cross their lounging area which led to Anakin's sealed, durasteel door. As his hand rose to press the ringer on the panel, the door slid open. Obi-Wan jumped back at the sight before him. Anakin was very pale, very malnourished, and it was apparent that he hadn't been sleeping well. "Anakin," Obi-Wan gasped, hardly believing the man in front of him was his former apprentice. They stared at each other for several, long moments and Obi-Wan was frightened by how nonchalant Anakin looked.

The older man's lips parted when a single tear slid down the right side of Anakin's face. That was the first emotion he'd actually seen on Anakin's face since it happened. For the last few weeks, Anakin seemed uncaring and when he'd come out, he looked like he felt nothing. Anakin surprised his Master further by throwing himself at the older man's chest to sob uncontrollably. Obi-Wan, caught off-guard by the sudden overflow of Anakin's tormented emotions, could only wrap his arms around the young man. "I-I..." Anakin croaked, still sobbing and shaking. "I'm-I'm s-sorry," he whispered.

Obi-Wan's heart broke. What was Anakin sorry for? "Anakin, it wasn't your fault." He put as much sincerity as he could into that. "You did what you thought was right and I'm so sorry that you were put into that position." He stroked Anakin's hair gently, hoping he was soothing him.

"I killed them," he gasped. "They were innocents and I killed them."

"No, you did not, Anakin." Obi-Wan carefully led Anakin to the couch and sat them both down on it, still holding Anakin against him. "You were not the one to pull the trigger, Anakin."

"I shouldn't have given them the chance to blast!" he growled. "Those children... They..."

Anakin trailed off and Obi-Wan felt the tremors coursing through Anakin. "We didn't know it was a trap. We couldn't have stopped it from happening if we'd tried."

"The Council sent us there!" he yelled, bolting into an upright position to stare at Obi-Wan. Tears were trailing down his face, leaving tear stains in their wake. "_They _knew!" Obi-Wan, as part of the Council, didn't want to believe that, but he also hadn't been included when they discussed sending the two of them to Saleria V. If they'd known children were being executed, they would have been able to prevent the loss of so many young people.

Anakin knew he was right. Obi-Wan knew Anakin was right. The Council _had_ known. Slavers had captured Anakin and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan at the time was rendered unconscious as a result of a gas that had been released into the building they were in. Anakin wasn't sure how he'd stayed conscious, but he'd tried to wake his Master. Obi-Wan missed a majority of the conversation Anakin had with their captors, but it hadn't been good. That was for sure. The first thing Obi-Wan heard upon waking up had been Anakin's quiet and desperate pleas for them to let the children go.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, not wanting to see the anger in his former apprentice's own. "I failed you, Anakin." He believed that wholeheartedly. He should have questioned the Council further. Anakin, as he stood before the Council, had demanded that more information be given out to them and Obi-Wan stood by idly, waiting to lecture Anakin about his petulant ways of speaking with the High Council. "I should have listened to you. You knew something was wrong and I ignored you. For that, I failed you."

A reflection of Anakin's venture into darkness was shown in the younger man's eyes. Obi-Wan could see it as clearly as if it were happening right this very moment. He could see Anakin screaming in rage, the bulk of the durasteel hold suffocating under his trembling Force grip. Obi-Wan could feel Anakin's hatred. They'd been bound by Force-restraints, but Anakin in his fiery rage had destroyed his restraints. Obi-Wan watched Anakin stride purposely towards the slavers. Both Jedi could feel the suffering of the innocent victims and it added to Anakin's fire.

What made it even more horrifying was that Anakin's eyes had even shifted to a Sithly golden pigment. He brutally murdered their captors, but Obi-Wan hadn't been able to declare it as done in cold blood. He understood Anakin's frustration, his pain, his anger. Obi-Wan felt it all. The training bond they still had allowed Obi-Wan to see into Anakin's inner turmoil and he knew that Anakin, had he not been a Jedi, would have been a very protective father or a very deadly unaligned Force user. He was tormented by the screams of the children and that torment furthered as they were killed right in front of him. Obi-Wan had moved to watch the man he'd trained for a little over a decade and had been met with the cold, dead stare of a small girl.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin whispered, touching the elder man's shoulder. Obi-Wan shook his head to clear it and stared at his former apprentice. Anakin frowned and Obi-Wan pulled him closer. He was surprised that Anakin was allowing him to hold him, but Obi-Wan knew Anakin was just as surprised by the fact that Obi-Wan was showing him affection.

"May I ask what brought you out of your room?" Obi-Wan asked softly. He held the boy's head against his chest, just beneath his chin and heard Anakin sigh. "If you'd prefer not to talk about it…"

Anakin shook his head, his cybernetic fingers pulling ever so slightly at the hem of Obi-Wan's tunic. "I'm…I'm haunted, Master," he said brokenly. "I needed someone to talk to." Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile weakly at that. If Anakin were to open up to anyone, Obi-Wan hoped it would be him. He was grateful that it was. He loved and cared about the young man. Obi-Wan's silence was enough of an indication for Anakin to continue speaking. The additional strokes to his former apprentice's hair were another. "I see their dead faces."

"Anakin, you tried. I know you did." He did know that Anakin tried. He'd been ruthless in his attempts to break his bindings. Had his binders not been attached to a chain on the durasteel wall, Anakin may have been able to save the children that were slaughtered before his eyes. "I'm so sorry that you had to experience that…"

"This is war," Anakin said bitterly, "but I did not know that children would be so directly involved." Of course children were involved in this damnable war. Everyone was involved. The entire galaxy was at war. "I hate them, Obi-Wan. I hate them."

"Who?" Obi-Wan's heart grew colder as he listened to the young man's deep voice. It was so broken, so pained. Anakin's hatred was tangible, especially at a proximity as close as the one they were in right now.

"The Senate," he hissed. "The Jedi. The Sith. The Separatists." Obi-Wan's eyes widened and his hand halted its strokes through Anakin's hair. "I hate them all." What he felt now did not feel anything like his former Padawan. He sensed so much darkness in the younger man and he almost believed that the latter was truly Sith. _Almost._ He knew Anakin far too well. Anakin would never turn to the dark side. "I wish they didn't exist."

"Anakin," he pled quietly. As he was about to continue, his former protégé spoke up.

"Don't you dare lecture me." The fire in his eyes scared Obi-Wan. The darkness had returned in them and Obi-Wan felt as though Anakin had the ability to kill him in an instant. It wouldn't have been the first time Anakin tried to harm his Master in blind rage. "The Senate and the Separatists are at fault for beginning this damned war. The Sith are at fault because they have mercilessly killed so many." And the Jedi? He'd mentioned that he hated the Jedi as well. Could he not find a legitimate reason to hate their Order? "The Jedi are at fault because they do not allow us to go as far as we must to save innocent lives."

"I sense that this isn't about any of those things," Obi-Wan said tentatively. It was true. The air had shifted considerably around them. Anakin's hatred did not feel like it was directed at any of the aforementioned groups of people. "You hate yourself," he whispered. It wasn't a question.

"I do." Obi-Wan was stunned by the honesty. He expected Anakin to deny it. He expected an argument or an explosive Anakin who threw as many nearby things as he could. "I feel slighted and I'm angry for not realizing the danger before it was too late to do anything about it." Anakin straightened up and turned to sit shoulder to shoulder with his former Master. The guilt washed out of him in waves and Obi-Wan soaked them up. "I have never been fast enough," he said so quietly that Obi-Wan almost hadn't heard him.

"Anakin, you cannot continue to blame–"

"I lost my mother," he began, immediately silencing Obi-Wan, "to sand people because I wasn't fast enough. I have nearly lost you on several accounts as well, Master." He lifted his head to give Obi-Wan an empty look. "Those children will never live their lives as they should have because I wasn't _fast enough._"

Obi-Wan was certainly afraid now if he hadn't been moments earlier. He could hear the resentment in his companion's voice and it was directed inwardly. The older Jedi wished he could make Anakin see his reasoning. Anakin hadn't been able to do anything because of the restraints. Obi-Wan believed it to have taken a tremendous amount of effort for Anakin to break out of them as it was. His rage fueled him and that seemed to be one of the most unsettling parts of the entire thing. Yes, the children had been used against them, but Anakin nearly fell beyond the point of return. Obi-Wan didn't know what he would be able to do if Anakin turned on him.

'_I love you,_' Obi-Wan said inwardly, so inwardly that Anakin couldn't hear him behind mental barriers they both had around themselves. '_I love you so much, Anakin. Please, stop hurting yourself._' Obi-Wan sighed and Anakin's focus – a dead eyed focus – landed directly upon Obi-Wan. "Anakin, we cannot save everyone."

That had been the biggest mistake he'd made that day. Anakin leapt from the couch, pointing an accusing finger towards the stunned Master. "All my life I've been told I will save so many lives," he said bitterly. "Now you're telling me I can't save them all? Why am I the '_Chosen One_' if I can't do something as simple as prevent death?"

"It is not that simple," Obi-Wan said softly, looking away from the fiery, young man. He hadn't intended on starting an argument, but at least Anakin's frustration was beginning to ease its way out. It would dissipate in no time at all. "Anakin, you are not a god. You are not all powerful." He looked back at his former apprentice and saw how devastated he looked. Anakin always believed he was just what Obi-Wan said he was not. If he was this prophecy meant to balance the galaxy, how was he not either of those things? "You are only one man," he whispered so quietly that both of them believed it hadn't been said at all.

Deep down, Anakin knew his Master was right. Anakin wasn't all powerful nor was he a god. He was nothing if not human, and he _is _human. He wanted to be stubborn and protest until his Master admitted that _he _was the one who was wrong, but Anakin remained silent. He would not protest nor would he admit that he was wrong. He was too prideful to do that, though he should have humbled himself just a little. "I'm sorry," was all he could bring himself to say.

Obi-Wan stood up, still looking up at the younger man who had surpassed his height approximately eight years earlier. He smiled weakly at Anakin, lifting a hand to caress the latter's cheek. He was slightly surprised by the way Anakin allowed this, but he shouldn't have been surprised at all. Anakin was always emotional, always seeking physical contact with someone he cares about, someone he _loves._

Obi-Wan's heart skipped several beats as he realized that this was Anakin's silent way of showing that he loved and cared about him. He knew Anakin would never reciprocate his undying love. He would never force him to. If Anakin was destined to be with a certain Nubian senator, so be it. Obi-Wan loved him too much to demand anything but happiness from the younger man. He longed to tell his former apprentice how he truly felt about him, but he hadn't been able to muster up the courage to in many years. For the first time in a long time, he stared intently into Anakin's eyes. And Anakin stared back at him.

Both men shared a bond deeper than that of any other Jedi pair. Obi-Wan saw the pain and depth of Anakin's of emotions just by looking into his azure eyes. In return, Anakin's discovery wasn't as clear cut. The kaleidoscopic nature of Obi-Wan's eyes prevented Anakin from seeing something as simple as love, as hate, as sadness. Anakin knew from many years of being in this man's company that his eyes shifted colors depending on the way he felt. Obi-Wan's eyes were grey. Obi-Wan was sad. "Anakin?" Obi-Wan whispered, sensing something swirling within his apprentice. He was worried, and for good reason. He loved the young man beyond words, something he was very unaccustomed to. He had reason to believe that Anakin may fall to the dark side or even go so far as to commit suicide. He wasn't entirely sure which was worse. Living with the knowledge of Anakin as a Sith seemed far more bearable than living in a galaxy where Anakin Skywalker no longer existed.

If only he knew that Anakin refused to live in a galaxy where Obi-Wan Kenobi did not exist.


	2. Chapter 2

Anakin struggled to get himself back into a normal routine, but he managed it with the help of his former Master in less than two weeks' time. Together, they ate breakfast, lunch and dinner. Together, they went on missions to distant planets. Together, they sparred. Together, they stood before the Council. It was the first time since returning from the mission to Saleria V because Anakin refused to stand before them and listen to them prattle on about how they regretted what had been witnessed on that particular mission. Obi-Wan had been briefed on their missions over the last week and passed that on to Anakin so they could leave together with the same knowledge without him having to see the faces of the Masters he despised more than anyone right now.

Anakin stared at them with his arms over his chest disrespectfully as Obi-Wan sighed. "Apologize, we do, young Skywalker," Yoda said sincerely. Obi-Wan of all people knew that sincerity meant nothing to Anakin after something so tragic happened. The fact that he avoided the turbolift to this location like the plague reinforced how he truly wished to stay away from anyone on the Council. Except Obi-Wan. He couldn't blame Obi-Wan because Obi-Wan hadn't been aware of the details of this mission as the rest of the Council had. He loathed them for leaving Obi-Wan out of the loop for such an important mission, but he was grateful that they had. He wasn't sure if he could manage living if he forced himself to stay away from _every _Council member, including the one he roomed with.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said quietly, looking up at the younger man. Anakin's gaze briefly shifted towards his Master before returning to Yoda. If he knew Obi-Wan wanted him to accept the apology, he certainly hadn't acknowledged it and he certainly didn't act on it. He chose to stand there in silent, fuming, defiance. "Anakin," he said again, firmer this time.

"Do you have another mission for us?" Anakin asked impatiently, shifting his weight from his left leg to his right. Again, Obi-Wan sighed. Of course Anakin had to be difficult. Obi-Wan understood why, but that didn't mean he liked it. Anakin's attitude in the Council's presence needed to change. As Mace Windu was about to speak, Anakin continued on. "Perhaps you'd like for us to watch more helpless and defenseless children die at the hands of slavers. Where now? Zygerria? Tatooine? Or are we supposed to be unaware of this as well?"

Anakin's words cut everyone in the chamber deeply, including Obi-Wan. He wanted to snap at him for his disrespect, but he admitted silently to himself that Anakin had a point. He always hated deception and they had been cruelly deceived. "Skywalker, you will–"

"I will not listen to your half-truths," he ground out, glaring at the bald, dark skinned Master. "If you are sending us to _save _more dying children, at least be so kind as to–"

"Silence!" the Korun Master's voice boomed. Anakin bit his tongue and his arms fell to his sides. His glare, however, remained. Obi-Wan longed to stroke Anakin's back or even his arm in order to soothe him. He wanted to run his fingers through that soft, luscious hair and tell Anakin everything would be fine soon, but he had this dreadful feeling that something horrible was going to happen in the near future. "You and Obi-Wan are going on a diplomatic mission."

Anakin's glare fractionally softened, but he waited for something that would cause his anger to flare once more. "And our mandate?" Obi-Wan asked, speaking up for the first time since Anakin's tongue lashing.

"Senator Amidala has requested that you join her on Servai III for a senatorial banquet." Obi-Wan briefly glanced at Anakin, only to see him repress a shudder. "She suggested that the presence of the two of you may aid her in swaying the opinion of the planet's inhabitants. They remain neutral, but the Separatists are closing in on torturing the planet until they become part of the Confederacy."

"When do we leave?"

"As soon as you finish preparing yourself. The senator is awaiting your arrival on her ship."

Both Jedi nodded slowly. While Obi-Wan bowed graciously, Anakin gave the Council a half-assed bow that still proved to be defiant. "May the Force be with you," Obi-Wan whispered.

"And with you both," Windu replied as the two before him spun to exit, their cloaks swirling around their legs as they briskly left.

Obi-Wan realized he was falling behind his former apprentice as Anakin's pace quickened. "In a hurry, are we?"

"No," Anakin said too quickly, clearly anxious. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at the back of his companion's head. Obi-Wan surged forward and gripped Anakin's shoulder gently, but firmly, immediately stopping the younger man in his tracks. "Obi-Wan," he said, sighing as he turned to face the older man.

"Anakin, patience," he whispered. He could sense Anakin's anxiety and he tried to deny that jealousy was seeping up within himself. Of course Anakin would be anxious to see the senator. Obi-Wan knew that Anakin always had some fixation with this particular senator and he feared there may be more than just a fixation now. Even if there was, Obi-Wan didn't think he could bring it to the Council's attention. He loves Anakin. He would never betray him, even if his other option was to betray the Council.

Anakin nodded, easing up slightly. He lifted his hand to rest on the one Obi-Wan placed on his shoulder. "Thank you, Master," he said quietly, sincerely. Anakin gave him a small smile. It was becoming much more available in his presence now. Obi-Wan realized that and returned the smile. "May I request something of you when we board the senator's ship?"

Obi-Wan had to resist the way his smile wished to drop. Anakin was going to ask him to leave him alone, wasn't he? '_I don't want you to be with her..._' he thought, internally dying a little. '_I want you to myself..._' He felt selfish, but that was only inside of him. Never would he be so inconsiderate as to say that aloud to this man. "Anything," he finally said, wishing he didn't have to say that.

"Will you meditate with me?" Obi-Wan was stunned to hear such a question from the one who _loathed _meditating even when Obi-Wan ordered him to. To freely ask for meditation was very unheard of when it came to Anakin Skywalker who preferred to meditate while in motion rather than while sitting down. "If you'd rather not, it's okay..." Anakin's eyes moved away from Obi-Wan's and _his _frown overpowered the smile.

Obi-Wan took Anakin's hand and entwined their fingers without so much as thinking about it. It felt natural to him and Anakin certainly didn't seem to mind it. In fact, Obi-Wan noticed the way his eyes lit up a little and a small smile replaced the frown. "I'd be honored to meditate with you, my…" He paused, not sure of himself for a moment. _Friend?_ Had he meant to say that? Anakin gave him a confused look and Obi-Wan shook it off, covering up with, "I'm surprised by the offer, but I will gratefully take advantage of it." That was possibly the second worst thing he could have said. '_You perverted bastard_,' a voice said in the back of his mind.

The Jedi Master removed his hand from Anakin's and, smiling one last time, turned on his heel to lead the other man towards their quarters. They quickly threw a few things into separate packs. Obi-Wan, as usual, was the first to complete the task of grabbing anything necessary for a mission. Anakin, however, was the one who always took the longest and Obi-Wan stood right behind him, glancing over his shoulder silently to watch. Anakin backed up without having realized his Master was right there and hit the smaller Jedi with his broad left shoulder, eliciting and _oof _from said Master. "Oops!" Anakin said, biting his lower lip as he watched Obi-Wan stumble backward and hold his jaw.

"Mind your quick maneuvers, my young friend," Obi-Wan said firmly.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Mind my personal space," he muttered, smirking to himself as he returned to his pack and finished putting his necessities in it. Obi-Wan acted like he was aggravated at Anakin in order to play off the embarrassment swelling within him. He hadn't intentionally gotten an erection from the way Anakin's playful smile turned into that of an apologetic _lip bite._ The young man must have known that particular quirk worked on Obi-Wan. If he hadn't, Obi-Wan damned him silently.

Even as Anakin was leaned over his bed, Obi-Wan couldn't help the un-Jedi-like thoughts crossing his mind. Oh, the things he wanted to do to his former Padawan right now. The way his hair moved…dazzling. The way his muscles and body looked…absolutely astonishing. He could feel himself salivating and quickly made to wipe the drool away as Anakin turned to face him once more. Anakin's right eyebrow cocked playfully as did the right side of his mouth. "R-Ready?" Obi-Wan asked, clearing his throat. "Ready, _Padawan?_" That title got the desired effect as he wiped the smirk right off of Anakin's cocky face. Now he looked very unenthused.

"Not your damn Padawan," he said tightly under his breath. Obi-Wan laughed softly as Anakin stormed past him, his pack slung over his shoulder. Their walk to the senator's ship was somewhat peaceful, but Anakin's anxiety was still overwhelming to the point where Obi-Wan asked him point blank if he needed to get something off of his chest. "Master, you really wouldn't understand the way I'm feeling right now."

That piqued Obi-Wan's curiosity. "Why don't you try me?"

Anakin's beautiful, golden skin flushed a light shade of red. "When we're alone," he said quietly. He nodded at the senator's ship that was only a short distance in front of them. Typho was awaiting them and Anakin was grateful that the senator was nowhere to be found just yet. He had no intentions of finding himself in a room alone with _her._ He didn't mind being with Obi-Wan. He _did _mind being with her for reasons unbeknownst to Obi-Wan currently.

Obi-Wan got a slight thrill from being alone with him. It was natural for them to spend so much time together, but Obi-Wan still had Council meetings to attend and Anakin spent some time sharing his knowledge of the Force with a class of younglings even if that was far from being his favorite thing to do. "Master Kenobi," a pretty voice greeted, much to Anakin's disdain. She gave Anakin a chilling frown. "Master Skywalker."

"Senator," they both murmured, bowing their heads politely. Obi-Wan shot a curious glance at the younger man, sensing his nervousness as well as her disgust.

"I apologize for the lack of bedrooms on the ship. Will you two be content with sharing a room?" She gave Anakin a pointed look that both men noticed.

"We'll manage," Obi-Wan answered. She gave them the directions to their room and Obi-Wan paled upon realizing they were bedding together. Yes, they had shared beds so many times prior to now, but Anakin hadn't been as handsome as he was now. The younger man was a beauty to Obi-Wan and he wished he could turn to face him rather than giving him his back like they agreed upon. When Anakin was a child, it hadn't been difficult to resist temptations. There _weren't _any temptations back then. Until Anakin was of age, Obi-Wan hadn't noticed the way his young Padawan grew into a handsome young man. He did notice the height difference and it gave him easier access to Anakin's delightful eyes. Rather than looming over a small boy with downcast eyes, he could look up at a young man with downcast eyes and _still_ manage to look into them.

"If you'll excuse me," Anakin whispered suddenly, tossing his pack on the left side of the bed and briskly trudging towards the refresher.

"Anakin," he said firmly, knowing that something was troubling him. Anakin stopped just outside of the door and bowed his head, sighing in resignation. "Look at me," the older man whispered. Anakin turned, looking much older than twenty-one and a half. Obi-Wan let his pack drop to the floor and he crossed the room to be closer to Anakin. "Will you talk to me? We're alone now." He was urging Anakin now. He would speak eventually. He always did when he was with his Master, even if he was no longer the apprentice. "Does it concern Senator Amidala?" he asked dryly.

"Mas–"

"Be honest with me, Anakin." Anakin frowned deeply and nodded slowly. "If you need someone to confide in, I will not inform the Council of anything you tell me."

Anakin's eyes widened and he immediately jumped to deny the older man's thoughts. "Master, I swear there is nothing _to _inform the Council about. I have not broken any of the rules." He didn't realize how quickly he'd crossed the room, nor did he realize he was clutching his Master's shoulders tightly. Obi-Wan looked slightly afraid of the man in front of him, but he nodded nonetheless. "She...believes I cheated her, and I've tried to fix the issue, but I can't seem to do anything right."

"Cheated her? How so?"

Anakin's face grew very hot, almost as hot as the lava in the pits of Mustafar. He lowered his eyes from Obi-Wan's own and bit his lower lip. "You know there is no rule forbidding us from sex," he began, immediately affecting Obi-Wan's own blood flow to his face. Sex had never been an easy topic for them to discuss openly. Obi-Wan had given Anakin _the talk_ just after his fifteenth birthday and that was the most awkward memory they both shared. It was especially awkward for Obi-Wan since he spoke about being intimate with women, which he had no experience with whatsoever being that his sole interests were in men.

"Go on," he said quietly, halfheartedly encouraging Anakin.

"She and I...we... Master, I don't share the feelings she has for me."

Obi-Wan had to refrain from bursting with joy. That would more than likely end horribly. Anakin may not love the senator as she loved him, but that did not necessarily mean he was into men. "I thought you were always sneaking off to see her though," he admitted.

"Yes. We...bedded...together most nights after Geonosis." Obi-Wan's heart sank, but he nodded. "I've learned something about myself that I didn't know when I was sixteen," he whispered, looking ashamed.

Obi-Wan sensed the shame flowing out of his former apprentice and made to comfort him as best he could. He and Anakin walked towards the bed and lowered themselves to the foot of it, sitting side by side. Obi-Wan slid his left arm over Anakin's broad shoulders and the younger man laid his head on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Whatever it is, you don't have to hide from me, Anakin," he said honestly. He could feel the overwhelming fear seeping past the young man's tight mental barriers and he wished that he knew what was going on in Anakin's mind.

"Master, I don't think it would make things better even if I did tell you," he said after a few silent moments. Obi-Wan frowned and rubbed his thumb over Anakin's shoulder. Surely Anakin knew that he could talk openly with Obi-Wan. He would never do anything to destroy the trust built between them, and Anakin knew that. Anakin knew so much more about Obi-Wan than any other life form did. The two of them shared everything with one another.

"All right," he responded quietly. "You know I will not push you nor force you to say what's on your mind, but you also know that I am here for you, Anakin." The younger man closed his eyes, wishing for just one moment that he didn't have to be afraid of being honest with his closest friend. He was afraid of destroying their friendship. He already lost his Padawan as a result of the Council's actions. What if Obi-Wan went to the Council about this? What would happen then? Obi-Wan would be disgusted and want nothing to do with Anakin ever again.

He was overwhelmed with dread at that thought. He lost his mother, his apprentice, and now it was a possibility that he would lose his Master. Obi-Wan, upon being slammed by Anakin's dread, lifted his hand to stroke the younger man's hair. It soothed Anakin, but did not dissipate his dread. How could he be so fearful of something such as this? He was not fighting off an army of droids or a Sith Lord or anything like that. He was fighting himself and the ability he possessed to be honest and upfront with Obi-Wan, the only one who knew _everything_ there was to know about the Hero with No Fear.

Obi-Wan kept his eyes on the short, blond mass of curls beneath him. It took him a few moments longer to realize that that short, blond mass of curls beneath him was shaking. Anakin was _crying._ Obi-Wan's lips parted in a silent gasp. What was he supposed to do to comfort him when he didn't know what the problem was? Was Senator Amidala saying things to–no. That seemed absurd. Anakin would never allow words to cut him so deeply. Unless they were said by Obi-Wan. He now wondered if he was at fault for something. He backtracked the last few weeks, trying to find one place in which he said something to hurt Anakin, but he couldn't find anything.

The only event of these past weeks that angered Anakin had been while they trained together. Obi-Wan had unintentionally been a bit brutal, especially when he gripped Anakin roughly and forced him back, slamming him onto his back, knocking the breath right out of the younger man. He'd been very pissed off about that for the few days following that, but, like almost everything else, he got over it and was able to joke about it with his Master. He continued stroking Anakin's hair now and kept wondering what he'd done wrong this time. "Obi-Wan, I'm gay," he blurted, sobbing harder.


	3. Chapter 3

Obi-Wan's eyes were wide as he held the younger man against him. He felt as though his heart had stopped, as though time had _frozen._ Had he really just heard him correctly? If he had, why was Anakin so torn up about this? Obi-Wan loved him unconditionally and Anakin knew that. He just didn't exactly know how deeply Obi-Wan loved him. It was far too deep for a Jedi anyway. Anakin was reduced to a sniffling, hiccupping Anakin. He was quiet now, but that was only because his nerves felt like they were being electrocuted. "Say something," he whispered, shutting his eyes tightly.

"Anakin," he said playfully, moments later realizing that that was not the best way to go about this. Laughing about it would only make things worse. The last thing he wanted to do was anger Anakin, especially about _this._ "Anakin," he repeated, this time less playful but just as gentle, "is that what you were so afraid of telling me?"

Anakin's eyes flew open and he pushed himself off of Obi-Wan to stare into his eyes, searching for some kind of disgust or negativity. "You're not…repulsed by it?" Obi-Wan gave him a warm smile and Anakin added quietly, "By me?"

He lifted his hand to the younger man's hair again and shook his head. When he met Anakin's eyes again, he made sure he _held_ them. "How could you possibly think I would be?" Anakin's face immediately burned. That wasn't the only thing to heat up though and it made Anakin's face even hotter. He has always been attracted to his Master and he wished he could have more than just whispers of touches and embraces on occasion.

"Because you're a man…" He trailed off, lowering his gaze from Obi-Wan's eyes to his own hands. "And I like men."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. Was Anakin saying he was interested in…_him?_ He internally fought himself for a few brief moments, wondering whether or not he should tell Anakin he is exclusively into men as well. Anakin did that _damned_ lip bite and Obi-Wan lost it. He should have said, "Anakin, I care very deeply for you. Nothing about you could ever repulse me." Instead, he grasped the sides of Anakin's face and pulled him closer to crush him with a bruising kiss. It was the first time Obi-Wan had ever acted impulsively on his feelings. Never in his dreams would he have imagined he was capable of surprising _Anakin Skywalker._ He felt the surprise very clearly and actually _enjoyed _it.

When they parted moments later, Anakin's eyes were wide and he lifted his gloved, flesh fingers to touch his lips. He felt as though fire had burned his lips. He dreamt of kissing his Master so many times. He never thought he would be so lucky as to actually _receive _a kiss from him. "Master?" he asked, confused. Part of him felt as though Obi-Wan may be using him, but the other, _rational_ part shut down the doubtful part of him. Obi-Wan would _never _do that to him. Then again, he had deceived him less than– '_No,_' he growled at himself. '_Obi-Wan wouldn't lie about this. He went undercover. That was different. This is me. He would never…_' But he had. Obi-Wan abused his feelings by faking his death to elicit the proper reaction from him. What would stop him from abusing those feelings again?

Anakin knew from the moment Obi-Wan '_died_' that he should have told Obi-Wan he loved him. He regretted it each and every night that they weren't together, until he realized Obi-Wan was still alive. After that, he'd pushed his feelings deep down within himself. He was angry at Obi-Wan then and he was still slightly angry at him, but they had gotten much closer since Ahsoka left. Obi-Wan gave him a soft, affectionate smile. "You're not alone, my friend."

'_What?_' he screamed at himself in his head, surprised. Obi-Wan couldn't possibly… He believed him though. "You…like men?" His face burned at the question. It sounded so much better in his mind. Obi-Wan shook his head and Anakin frowned. He _knew _it. Obi-Wan was using him. Why the hell did he keep–

"I like _you._" Anakin froze. He lifted his hand to stroke the boy's cheek and laughed lightly. "I have always liked you, Anakin." For whatever reason, the younger Jedi was unable to contain his happiness at hearing that. Anakin grinned widely as Obi-Wan slid his knuckles over the former's cheek. "I suppose that means I'm into men, but I am exclusively Anakin-sexual." That elicited a laugh from his former apprentice. He had had relationships with other men in his life, many more than perhaps Anakin had, but he'd never been in love and it was partly why he loathed one night stands.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Obi-Wan Kenobi let go of the Jedi code for me." Obi-Wan frowned at that. Was he really willing to let go of the rules he abided by for as long as he could remember? Yes, he loves Anakin, but his heart also lies with the Jedi. He wished he could give it all to Anakin, but he was afraid that he just couldn't. "Or not," Anakin said quietly.

"I do not enjoy going behind the Council's back, Anakin." Anakin only nodded solemnly, clasping his hands together. So it was for nothing after all. He knew he shouldn't have said anything at all. Sure, Obi-Wan wasn't repulsed by him, but now he knew that he had absolutely no chance in hell of being with him. It took him a little over twenty-one years to figure out that he was gay and now the only man he ever loved couldn't even accept that when _he _was also gay.

Obi-Wan took both of Anakin's hands in his and stared at the young man until his blazing, blue eyes met his again. "I'm not asking you to add salt to the wound," he whispered. Obi-Wan flinched at that. He hadn't meant to outright _reject_ the boy, but he wasn't so sure he could easily keep their relationship a secret. Obi-Wan had always believed it was the will of the Force that brought Anakin into his life and he firmly believed that even now. He was unsure as to whether or not that _will_ intended on them being more than Jedi partners.

Obi-Wan brought Anakin's hands close to his face and kissed his gloved knuckles. "I will go against their wishes for _you,_" he said sincerely, squeezing Anakin's hands gently. The latter's head was spinning. His thoughts were reeling. How had this happened? He had foreseen Obi-Wan shoving him aside, snarling in disgust, and immediately contacting the Council to tell them he was cursed. How had _that_ turned into _this?_ There was affection and care in Obi-Wan's eyes and he kept Anakin close to him. He wasn't even close to snarling.

"You would?" he asked moments later, disbelieving that Obi-Wan would _ever _become a not-so-perfect Jedi for some man who _used_ to be his apprentice. It was so hard to believe that things might actually go the way he wanted them to for once.

Obi-Wan nodded. "I would." Anakin finally returned the smile Obi-Wan gave him, happiness flooding their bond. "Just promise me we won't rush this, Anakin."

"I promise," he said hurriedly. If that was all it took to have Obi-Wan to himself, he would do it. He seemed like he was the type of man who loved to rush hard and fast through everything, but he liked slowing things down when it came to his personal relationships. Anakin loved passionately and considerately, not quickly and without compassion.

"At this particular moment in time, we must focus on our mission," Obi-Wan said, sounding regretful. Anakin nodded in response. He understood. It was something Padme told him numerous times during the time they spent together. He never let her become more important than his duties to the Republic though because he never loved her. He always knew deep down that he loved Obi-Wan and he was afraid that he might just let the galaxy go to hell to be with his Master.

•◊•

"That was..." Both men were now exiting the dining hall of the palace. Dinner had been exceptional and left them both feeling as though it was the first time they'd been fed in nearly three years. "...Interesting." However, the same couldn't be said for the entertainment. It was _far _from pleasing, especially to Anakin.

"Obi-Wan, isn't slavery _outlawed_ in the Republic?"

Obi-Wan frowned at the younger man and paused in the hall to face him. "We are no longer _in _the Republic, Anakin. The Servai system is between the Mid Rim and Outer Rim. We are located in neutral space where our rules do not bind them." Anakin's upper lip curled in a silent snarl. Obi-Wan quickly rested his hand on Anakin's chest, staring at him pleadingly. "You were not the only one to feel discomfort. I assure you. Padme spoke to me after you stormed out. She said she will take care of the issue."

Anakin glowered at him. "I wouldn't have had to storm out if we'd been informed that a slave girl would dance for us on the table. If I'd known that, I would never have _gone_ to dinner."

"Nor would I. I would have stayed at your side." The younger man couldn't help the small smile that elicited from him. Of course Obi-Wan would have stayed with him. Obi-Wan was almost always on his side. He lifted his flesh hand to brush his knuckles across his Master's beard. He liked the way it felt. It was new and electrifying. The way he imagined it felt was nothing like this. Anakin would savor every touch and every kiss. "It's getting late. Shall we retire to our room now...or would you prefer to do something _exciting?_"

"Exciting as in?" Anakin's eyebrow rose slightly. Heat pooled in his belly and flowed down to his groin, at least until Obi-Wan laughed a bit.

"Well, more than likely not the same exciting as I had in mind. You like sparring and tinkering with machines. I'm sure we could find... What?" Anakin blinked, noticing the blush on Obi-Wan's face. He _knew_ his Master was so full of it right now. If Anakin himself wasn't as into sex as he was, he wouldn't have figured out that it _was _on Obi-Wan's mind when he meant 'exciting.' "Don't go there, Anakin."

The blond smirked and quickly pecked his Master's lips. "Fine, fine, Master." He slowly strode away, a playful smirk upon his lips.

"My bones are old and frail. I'm not as young as I once was." That floored Anakin. He spun around and gave Obi-Wan a look of disbelief. Had he really just said that? To Anakin, Obi-Wan has _never_ looked _old_ nor _frail._ Obi-Wan could still slam Anakin onto his back during their sparring sessions. If he were old and frail, Anakin would be able to pin him with ease.

"Master, you are _only_ thirty-seven years old," he said petulantly.

"Must I remind you that I will be thirty-eight next week? Do you know how close to _forty _that is?" Anakin shrugged and a sinking feeling emerged within the older man. He would be thirty-eight within the week. He would be a thirty-eight year old with a twenty-one year old. If Anakin were... _No._ He couldn't tell himself that. He loved Anakin unconditionally, but it just didn't seem right.

Anakin is in his prime age and Obi-Wan is nearly halfway through his life. Why would Anakin settle for some old man when he could have whomever he so chose to have? In six months, Anakin would be twenty-two and they would be right back where they normally were. The sixteen year gap between them always caused a struggle in Obi-Wan's emotions. Anakin was half his age, give or take a few years. That was far from being justifiable. If anything, it made him seem desperate. "Obi-Wan," he said softly, cupping the older man's chin gently. "Look at me and tell me whether or not I love you."

Obi-Wan did as he asked and frowned. Of course Anakin loved him. That didn't make it right. He saw the light and softness in Anakin's eyes, the uncontainable love within them, and he could feel the warmth in Anakin's chest. He pressed his palm against Anakin's chest, just above where his heart was beating. Its erratic beat gave Obi-Wan all that he needed to know. Anakin's heart sped up for him. Anakin's eyes lit up for him. Anakin does love him. "Anakin..."

"Do I or do I not love you?" He was insisting that Obi-Wan answer the question now. Anakin knew exactly how he felt and Obi-Wan was able to see it as if he were the one feeling it.

Obi-Wan sighed and lowered his gaze to Anakin's lips. "You love me," he whispered.

"I love you." He lifted both hands to the sides of Obi-Wan's face and gave him a gentle smile. "I wouldn't lie about that. I know how I feel." He moved forward and pressed a soft kiss against Obi-Wan's chapped lips. When he pulled away, he rubbed his thumb over Obi-Wan's cheekbones and leaned his forehead against the latter's. "You are not old, so shut up, please." He was smirking now and Obi-Wan couldn't help the instinct he had to rest his hands on Anakin's hips. He ground himself by rubbing over the young man's hipbones. It made him feel loved just to be this close to Anakin's warmth. They could only get closer after this. Obi-Wan would try to believe Anakin even though he still resented himself for falling in love with a man who was sixteen years his junior. "I swear I'll do something stupid if you keep thinking about it."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at the younger man before tilting his head slightly to kiss Anakin's lips."All right. You win, Anakin." He backed away from Anakin, smiling slightly. Anakin strode alongside him as they made their way back to their quarters. Obi-Wan could see the way Anakin's fingers twitched and he sighed, shaking his head, taking Anakin's flesh hand in his right one. He entwined their fingers and a soft smile spread across Anakin's features. He was doing a pretty good job at indulging Anakin's happiness tonight and he didn't intend on stopping now. The night was still young and that meant that the two of them had plenty of time to spend together.

They normally spent time together as it was, but they never really talked about anything other than the war effort or things going on within the temple. Anakin tended to get the gossip of the temple through a variety of other Jedi, so he occasionally shared the juicy bits with Obi-Wan. As time went on, he'd discovered that Quinlan and Anakin were the only two seeking out gossip. They frequently listened in on other conversations and received tidbits of information through that.

Obi-Wan sat on the end of the bed that the two of them would be sharing. Anakin stopped in front of him, smiling softly. Had Obi-Wan actually seen him this happy lately? _No_. Anakin seemed like he'd lost the will to live, like he'd lost the will to fight for what's right. Tonight though... Tonight, he was alive. Obi-Wan reached up to rest his hand on Anakin's chest, returning the soft smile. Anakin slid his hand over Obi-Wan's, holding it in place. "How long have you...liked me?" he asked quietly.

"For quite some time," Obi-Wan admitted. That only seemed to make Anakin blush. Obi-Wan assumed it would have angered Anakin, so he truly hadn't been expecting the blush he'd elicited by saying that. "I was too..._reluctant_ to act on my feelings for you, Anakin. You were far too young and I was far too–"

"Uptight?" Anakin said with a grin, his eyes lighting up.

Obi-Wan sighed and shook his head. '_Leave it to Anakin_,' he thought. "I suppose you could say that." Anakin chuckled and lowered himself to sit beside his Master. They stared into each other's eyes for a few moments before Obi-Wan lifted his hand and stroked Anakin's jaw. "I would like to sleep, Anakin. Can we talk more about this in the morning?"

"On one condition."

Again, Obi-Wan sighed. What could Anakin possibly want at this hour? Obi-Wan had a number of ideas run through his mind, not finding any one of them worth staying up longer. Or perhaps they all were. "Can I cuddle with you?" he asked, slightly embarrassed by how small and young he sounded. Obi-Wan gave him a small smile and motioned for Anakin to follow him. The two men crawled up towards their pillows and Obi-Wan moved to allow Anakin to rest where he wanted to be first. Once Anakin was on his side, Obi-Wan curled against him, fitting to _him._

He couldn't remember a time where anyone had held him like this. Obi-Wan felt Anakin's love just as he felt the warmth emanating from the young man. It was tender, something he didn't think Anakin was capable of. Anakin seemed like the kind of person who would rush past the beginning stages of a relationship and start right from wherever he pleased. They weren't taking this _particularly_ slow, but it was slow for _Anakin._ Unbeknownst to Obi-Wan, Anakin never rushed beyond stages of his relationships. He hadn't had _many, _but he'd treated the women he'd been with right. That was before he realized how he felt about his Master.

The fact that they've known each other for over a decade seemed to help things, too. Both men knew more about each other than anyone else ever hoped to. Anakin closed his eyes, sighing in contentment. He loved being close to Obi-Wan. He hadn't been this close to the other man since he was a child.

As Anakin reminisced over his early Padawan years with his Master, Obi-Wan laid against him, eyes still open. He stared at his young companion and wondered just how long he could hold onto _this _Anakin.


End file.
